Not Empty Nesters for Long:
Economy Forcing More Young Adults to Move Back In with Mom, Dad
December 13, 2009
Van Simpson has
carved out two narrow pathways in his overstuffed McKinney garage. The old
stoves, mismatched chairs and stained microwaves are the detritus of three sons
who've come, gone and come back again. The Simpsons aren't the only parents
still waiting for an empty nest. The recession, fewer job openings and shifting
social norms are more visibly pushing college graduates back to Mom and Dad.
Almost one in seven parents say grown children have moved back in with them this
year because of the economy, according to a new report by the Pew Research
Center. 'There was a time I would have thought 25 years old is too old to live
at home,' said Laura. 'But it's different now.' The migration – decades old but
highlighted by the economic downturn – breeds a new kind of parent-child
dynamic, sometimes more harmful than healthy. Filial dependency, stunted
maturity and even siphoned savings can outweigh the benefits of renewed family
bonds.
"There was a time I would have thought 25 years old is too old to live at home,"
said Laura Simpson, Van Simpson's wife, who was married with children by that
age. "But it's different now," she said, winking at her 25-year-old sitting
across the fireplace in an armchair. He blushed.
"It's not something you plan as you're trying to start life as an adult," said
Stephen Simpson, who added to the garage heap when he moved back into his
parents' home this summer. He had struggled through 30 interviews after
graduating from Texas A&M University-Commerce with a math degree in May. He gave
up on job hunting, settled into a spare bedroom and started graduate school at
the University of North Texas.
He has plenty of company. About 30 percent of 18- to 34-year-olds live with
their parents, according to 2008 census data. The Network on Transitions to
Adulthood calculates that the number of young adults living with their parents
has gone up 50 percent since the 1970s.
The phenomenon even has its own lexicon: words such as "boomerang kids," "adultescence,"
and "quarter-life crisis."
The needy-child stigma has faded, said David Morrison,
the president and founder of Twentysomething Inc., a consulting and research
firm that focuses on young adults.
"It's become a steppingstone to long-term independence," said Morrison, who has
been credited with coining the term "adultescence."
He said the trend spikes during economic downturns, but has grown since the 1991
and 2001 recessions. At that time, "parents thought they failed children and no
one talked about moving home," Morrison said. "Over time, kids moved out again
and they seemed the better for it."
The United States is relatively unusual in its early
independence. Young adults in Hispanic, Asian and Eastern European cultures
often live with their parents until they're married.
The cultural acceptance in the U.S. has been exacerbated by a heightened
financial awareness among 20-somethings, Morrison said. Young adults are
increasingly conscious of their monetary situation and discuss it with parents.
And whereas their parents might have held on to one job for the duration of
their work life, today's college graduates are more likely to bounce through
several.
Robin Meredith's mother invited her back when the 29-year-old lost her
advertising job in September.
"I resisted it for a while, a loss of independence, pride thing going on," said
Meredith, who traded her Addison apartment for her mother's split-level in
Arlington. She sacrificed late-night callers and free cable for the ability to
work toward a health care degree. Angela Bell, a 58-year-old federal employee,
said the arrangement "feels like roommates" and gives her a chance to get to
know her daughter as an adult. The two drew up a proposal involving rent and
ground rules. They even negotiated Meredith's dog. The daughter won.
Beverly Renkes sees a middle ground, especially in a perilous economy. It isn't
mooching; it's a safety net, she said. Her two 20-something sons, one a
mechanical engineer and the other an accountant, have jobs but live at home.
"I've seen so many of my friends' kids get into debt in the last 10 years, and I
don't want them to start out that way," said Renkes, a Dallas accountant. They
help with the dishes and pay for their own phones and car insurance. On
weekends, they buy her lunch.
"It's quite a unique experience when the bill comes and one grabs it and puts
the credit card down," she said. "We have a totally different relationship now."
But the situation is soothed by its transitional aspect. One son is moving out
this month, and the other is considering it.
"We were empty-nesters once for about four months," she said. "It will be fine
when it happens again."
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© 2009 The Dallas Morning News Co.